Arthur's Song

Tune and lyrics by the Bastard Bard of Bermondsey 1994

"My Knights" said King Arthur, "Let me make it clear,

This Round Table means we're all equal men here."

So they all shagged beneath it with Queen Guinevere

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Let's all raise a cheer, to Queen Guinevere.

Been had at least six times by every man here.

She'll lay down on her back for the price of a beer,

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Sir Kay into Camelot softly did creep,

He came across Gwennie and Arthur asleep.

So he tore down her ramparts and entered her keep

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Chorus

Sir Lancelot's weapon stood proud, strong and tall,

He'd gaily show his lance to one and to all

Until Guinevere sheathed it in her entrance hall,

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Chorus

The staff of old Merlin was wrinkled and spent,

But rose proud and rampant when over she bent

then he buggered her bandy with great merriment!

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Chorus

She tied up Sir Gawaine and then beat him with force.

Sir Galahad wears all her dresses of course,

Sir Percival watched her go down on his horse

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Chorus

Sad and poignant last verse:

The knights they set off on a quest doomed to fail,

She tossed them all off into the Holy Grail

Then passed it to Arthur and said "Have some ale.."

And Arthur ends up with the slops - Weyhey!

Chorus